Times Change: Finding My Runner’s High
In your 40’s, the ravages of time, and inactivity start to catch up with you. It is also about this time that you start to assess where your life might going and where you’ve been and what’s gotten you to this particular place in your life.
Five years ago, I started running, at the age of 43. I was never a physically active person. I have the added “benefit” of having asthma, and at that time, in 2015, I was not really able to get up a flight of stairs without getting winded. My preference for a daily drink was beer. I still love beer, but the difference is that today, in 2020, I have changed my relationship to myself and to alcohol.
I host a podcast called The Last Tenth and a recent guest, Carolyn Su (@diversewerun on IG) said of the powerful force running can be in our lives: "Anyone who has been running, even for just a few months, can attest to the fact that running will reveal things to you about yourself…” . I could not agree more. As I embarked my journey into running, my reliance on alcohol as a coping mechanism was becoming clear. To be clear, I was “only” drinking one or two beers each night. I wasn’t getting drunk, or passing out but I found myself chasing that warm feeling a delicious drink can give. I found myself “sneaking” a night cap in before bed, specifically for that purpose. I found myself thinking and believing that I HAD to have a drink — at dinner, or at a party or while out with friends — ah-huh, Houston we have a problem…
I come from a family of drinkers. Drinking heavily is ok. And that’s ok that it’s ok. But, for myself, I saw I was going down a path that ended at the bottom of a bottle and I didn’t really want that for myself. So, I decided to do a “dry month”. It was February 2017.
What I discovered during this month was that, at least in my own case, my dependency on alcohol was habitual. I had, over the course of 20 years or so, become used to a particular lifestyle, a way of doing things in my life. A drink with dinner was the norm until I came to depend and rely on that drink for escape and normalcy.
During this dry month, as I began going out on runs, the day after NOT having my two drinks, I started to find running even more enjoyable. I found that saying “no” to having a drink the day before a run became easier and eaiser. Then, I found I had more and more runs I wanted to do and over the course of a two or three year period I started to drink less and less. Today, I would not call myself “sober”, per se. I do still enjoy a drink every now and again. But, I no longer feel the deep nag of the bottomless bottle abyss. For this I am thankful (and for therapy, I’m very thankful for that as well).
Happy Running ya’ll!
